four hours

I am having some serious self doubts. Way more than my usual, "how am I gonna get this story done"or "my sources are not getting back to me" type of doubts.  Today's layout disaster seriously has me doubting myself in this program. how did I get in?the other guys in here are geniuses- they seem to breeze past the tasks that i am struggling with.

so do i really belong here?  

I thought that I was strong in some areas and weaker in others. I thought Layout was one of my strengths, but apparently I am not strong enough. or maybe i should just stop letting intellectual sadists toy with my mind.

I find that my writing is also weakening- perhaps I am getting too tired. 

But isn't there supposed to be that second wind  where inspiration, talent and drive collide to create the perfect masterpiece? where is it?

I guess this is supposed to be the time where I pep myself up by reminding myself of all those famously brilliant people who failed and still prevailed over their failures. but after spending 4 hours working (and reworking) one simple layout and  4.5 hours stuck in traffic, i am really not in the mood for pep. I'm in the mood for a nap- a 4  hour one.

Frustration

When I went to Shauna to get this story vetted, I told her I was frustrated with this article. I felt like it was missing something. I had spent so much time, taking interviews, changing my focus, discarding interviews, getting different input, I felt like my head was spinning. My eventual concept was clean, and linear, but I felt like it lacked heart.

I am happy with the writing in this piece. But writing has never been the hard part for me. Again and again, I lack focus. I always come up with a story that takes on way more than I could deal with in 1000 words, then proceeds to only touch on some issues, as opposed to taking the time to really get in depth with one particular story. After speaking with Ron about this, I realized that this is what I felt was missing in the piece – any amount of depth. I seem to always be a “surface” writer. I should be writing stories about shopping, and puppies, and things that don’t really need deeper meaning, because that seems to be beyond my grasp. A ladies magazine, perhaps? I could write about the top five dishes to feed your man during the holidays, or something.

Okay, enough sarcasm. I love writing, and I have to accept that there are some challenges that I am facing. I believe Ron said something to the affect that if you aren’t struggling, you aren’t really learning anything. So, I can face the fact that I have a lot of work ahead of me as I continue to improve. It’s okay that I have to improve. I mean, you never stop improving unless you’re dead, right?

star suckers and media intergrity

Hello all,

 I was listening to a podcast of Q by Jian Ghomeshi  for November 18 2009 and he had on documentary film maker Chris Atkins whose recent film Starsuckers was about the news hoax and raised some interesting questions about how the 10 minute news cycle and the overall news quality.

Atkins and his posse bring into question the ethical practice of sensational media by planting fake stories to the media. The majority of these fictitious stories were published in tabloid and regular media outlets. Atkins points out one of the major flaws in the 10 minute news cycle and their desire to break the story first many media outlets do not even bother checking their sources. As a result,people are becoming wary about what they read in the media.

This reminded me of the discussion that we had in Ron's class a few days ago about the H1N1 shot and why people are not trusting the mainstream media. How can we as journalists  undo the damage caused by sensationalism?  How will people determine what is and what isn't a trustworthy source of news? As the influence of media becomes increasingly diluted through the internet and citizen journalism continues to rise the lines between what is truth become increasingly blurred.

What can we do do to make a difference? Will anything that we do make a difference? Even Jian didn't have the answer.

How can one spell Frustrated four times?

Besides Carolina's success in writing a proper article, I seem to be having some hardships with writing proper articles. My previous posts pointed towards a sensibility of "simple is always better" except when it involves me.

I wrote an article for Shauna's class on Air Canada and their third quarter results (as I am in the Business beat, and assumed this is what the business beat wanted of me);I included three proper sources with all the same opinions about the airline: because of Air Canada's new 7 per cent commission paid to Canadian travel agents for selling Tango based fares, and their new policies on capacity management (meaning, selling off more tango based fares as opposed to other fuller fares), the company was seeing a "profit" except more and more passengers were flying on tango fares, which in theory should lead to a decrease in Air Profit. The only reason they showed a "positive increase" was because of the rising currency exchange rate, and the lowering cost of fuel... this, my dear readers, meant that Air Canada had not seen any kind of profit, besides the profit they did not see coming.

But after all this research and the hardwork, the late nights and the many cups of coffee, my article was not good enough and needed to be "revised" (as per Shauna). This, even though I enjoy criticism (in small quantities), was not something I wanted to hear.

After receiving a beat that I had no intention of writing, I was not too thrilled: throughout the class, I have been trying my best to come up with interesting topics, and trying my best to write proper pieces even without the proper instruction of how to write proper articles. When Shauna gave me criticism for the first time, it was quite a major blow to my ego. I know that I am a good writer, even though I devote too much time and effort to a story... and I understand that I spend way too long on a story to have it be perfect and without faults and that I should change my habits. But old habits die hard.

Relating to my Air Canada story, I remember for the first time since I started this semester that I did not want to put too much "effort" into it, even though I was stressed beyond belief that it wouldn't fair too well with Shauna.

After coming up with a focus I believed would be good enough for her, and writing the entire story under an influence of "don't-put-too-much-hard-work-in-it", Shauna hated it. I was insulted, angered, saddened, on the brink of a major melt-down and fully wanting to drop out. I could not understand why I was having so many troubles in writing my pieces, even though everyone else seemed to be spitting out story after story for the Journal and spending as little time as possible on each one. I was (and still am!) frustrated that I have to put so much care and effort, and have to devote so much of my precious time into each of my stories just to have it make the grade while everyone else seems to be working out just fine.

I don't really know what else to say here, but I ended up rewriting my entire Air Canada story with the help of a little Vodka and some Chambord, and I think the piece is actually alot better than what I had originally written. I still have yet to discover what I can learn from this experience, but I'm sure when I am writing my last two articles, I will look back at my traumatic experience and remember that, though I should develop stories quickly, that I should never deny myself my own perfection... if that makes any sense.

On to story four...

no longer slitting my wrists...

okay, so I got comment back from Ron and they were not as bad as I had dreaded. I think I am starting to see why my article on immigration is so off... I was writing it more like an essay then an article and actually the little cafeteria exercise I think was really good for me because it kind of reminded me that I am an observant person I just was getting caught up in thinking that including details was self indulgent when it is perhaps more the point than anything else. I need to keep it simple and I REALLY need to come into a situation with a focus so I don't let myself get overwhelmed with the info... Sometimes i just need to keep it simple and write. Stop over thinking things. Wow looks like I have come out the other side doesn't it. No more dark brooding, self-pitying bullshit. So my goal is to have either the brain injury story or the immigrant story good to go by wednesday.... (Have you noticed yet I like giving myself deadlines and ironically enough these are the ones that stress me out the most! Funny.)

later

carolina

Nottingham!

I wrote my article on some highlights of Nottingham (on the flight on the way back to Canada!) My trip was AMAZING! Anyway, e-mailed it to Ron who will hopefully edit it and send it back. I have written about 3/4 of my body image article as well, so just need to go over that and make sure it flows well :)
One more to go! Bring it on, baby!

Okay... so here it is....

so i don't even remember the last time i did a blog i think it was when I was sick and struggling with the piece about immigrants. Well I sent Ron another version and though I think it is closer to what I should be writing it still needs a lot of work -- I think I am just too attached to my interview subjects... oh well... I also sent in the article about the grocery stores, I feel like it is week to... So basically I am having an existential crisis. Should I be writing? I seem to like radio a lot better. There you actually let people speak for themselves instead of try to boil down their experience into a tight paragraph and a quote. I guess radio is the same thing but at least there they speak for themselves. Okay enough feeling sorry for myself. Wait one last thing: I hate blogging I feel self indulgent and ridiculous doing this... Maybe next semester I will opt for the essay... Okay so I am in dark head space. It happens. I guess I need stand on the grandma stool in my kitchen and scream at the ceiling for a minute or two. Then listen to 'All is Love' from the where 'the wild things' are soundtrack. On my way now.... Oh and between work, class, paul and brads assignment I don't seem myself sitting down to write the brain injury piece till at least friday. Great. Bring on the heavy sense of doom universe...

Do not Panic...

Ok, so I feel as though I am putting waaaayyy too much pressure on myself to get these stories done. But how can I not put pressure on myself. My second story is still in progress and my third fourth,fifth stories are also being worked on. Not to mention the stories that I am working on for this class. Have my time management skills been so bad? Or should I look into giving up on stories if I cannot get all my sources in time. This is a new area for me ... I am so used to going through every single detail and fleshing out as much as possible ( I blame my accounting experience for this). I think I should just get out there and "pound the pavement" and just get it done. Ok, so here it goes- I am putting this out there in the blog world so that I can get it started. I intend to get my coffee place review compiled and ready to go by wednesday. I should have my second and third stories for Shauna's class also done by wednesday.
the clock is ticking

Puzzles Everywhere

From my previous entry, I described the annoyances and the educational experiences I have felt throughout the program. One aspect I forgot to mention is my detestation for attaining the proper interview!

One of the stories that I am currently working on has to do with Air Canada and it's financial situation during the economic recession...however, interviewing employees of travel agencies (one of the three sources I wish to use for supporting background information) is getting to be harder than I initially expected.

One of my previous goals that I set for myself was to focus less time on stories and more time focusing on getting my stories done (as per Ron). However effortless it was to research and come up with a perfect topic, the search for my needed sources was where my problems arose. Conducting my two first interviews was easy. The complications began when I needed information from a travel agent. I went to Flight Centre just to talk to an employee of the store, and before I could even ask for a name, I was given a number to simply call the employers' head office. I needed a good quote from a regular employee who dealt with flight bookings everday, and the grown man recommended I search elsewhere within the company. After two consequetive days with no luck, I lost hope and gave into contacting the media relations agent for Flight Centre.

I was so (I do not know the right word use here, but I'll try...) disgusted that I was unable to get an interview from a travel agent, and thought that this roadblock would cost me my entire story. Alas, I did end up getting a hold of a travel agent, and now I can continue my story with all the puzzle pieces.

Speaking of puzzle pieces, I feel that Journalism itself is one giant puzzle, which needs all the pieces together to make a meaningful picture and even when just one piece is missing, the puzzle cannot be completed. Alas, my puzzle will be complete.

...now, if only my other puzzle could be completed...

The Rewards are Worthwhile

I guess I can safely say I can put my Berlin Wall story behind me. This story really took over my life for awhile – tons of leg work, and tons of time trying to find someone to publish this!

This story started simply out of personal interest. I had been reading the history of post-war Berlin over the summer, and realized it would be the 20^th anniversary of the wall coming down this year. So, good idea to write a story on this, right? As I quickly found out, a story “about the Berlin Wall” wasn’t exactly focused enough for a story, so I had to find my focus. And to find my focus, I first had to find my sources. At this point, it didn’t look likely that the story was going to come together.

But I was persistent. I called the Calgary German Association, who directed me to the German store Eidelweiss. There, the manager promised me she would see if any of her employees lived in Berlin during that period. I assumed this was a dead end.

I also contacted the dean of the history program at University of Calgary, seeing if there was any faculty he could direct me towards. I was hoping at best to get the academic historical perspective of what the Berlin Wall falling down. He gave me two names, although I quickly found out that they both were actually in Berlin for the semester. The two professors had different attitudes though: one was a definite “no, please don’t ever speak to me again.” And the other was more than happy to talk to me.

The logistics to speak with my German professor in Berlin was tricky, as she was globetrotting all over the world, and I had a deadline I was working with. Somehow, though, it all came together and I got a rather emotional account of a young woman’s view on the fall of the Berlin Wall, and how it affected her career from that moment. That interview was gold.

My work into finding the German community in Calgary actually panned out as well. Eidelweiss got back to me with a name, an employee of theirs who had recently moved to Calgary from East Germany, and had grown up in a communist police state. I went over to her house, where I spoke with both her and her companion, also from East Germany. Language issues aside, I had a wonderful time speaking to them about their experiences, and I found them to be the loveliest couple. I even got their pictures with some memories of their first time at the Berlin Wall. It worked out quite nicely.

My last interview I didn’t have to look too far to get. Carolina’s dad grew up in Czechoslovakia, and escaped the communist regime in 1968. Wow – fascinating guy. We spoke about his time growing up in Czechoslovakia, and visiting Berlin later in life.

So, I had all my interviews, and I had to put this together in a way that made sense, and hopefully would catch the reader’s eye as well. I think my first effort was good, not great, and it’s wonderful to go through the process of vetting, to see what other people see that you totally looked over. The story began to take shape, and I felt ready to put this forth for publishing in the Calgary Journal.

But they did not want it! It was too timely for the print edition, and the web editor felt that the issue wasn’t one that Calgarians would actually care about. I believe her actual words were: I don’t see why Calgarians should care now, 20 years later. I had a difference of opinion, to say the least, but I was someone attached to my story at this point.

Ron suggested I try publishing it elsewhere, Fast Forward or the Herald. I thought – how silly, but I’m not actually losing anything by trying. I emailed an editor at the Herald, who directed me to the right section for this story. And then I waited. The longer I didn’t hear back, the more I was sure they weren’t going to publish this. I even went so far as to give the editor an ultimatum. He got back to me after his time was up, and totally called my bluff. He told me he was still interested, and I committed to the Herald.

Late Friday night, I see I have an email from him, asking me to make some changes to the story, add some quotes. He had written earlier in the day, and I didn’t receive it until later in the night, but there was no mention of deadlines or when the story might be published. I was just kind of excited that things looked promising, and got up really early the next day and made the asked-for changes. Then, I looked at the paper, and saw my story staring up at me (from a teaser on the front page of the Herald!): Calgarians share their memories, page A16. I was a little shocked, as I had not expected that to happen. I was a little chagrined that I had missed my deadline for the changes my editor wanted, but mostly I was pretty ecstatic that I had been published.

This story was a lot of work, but at the end of the day it was worth it to see my byline, to know that people who have never met me are reading my work. I learnt a lot on this assignment. I think perhaps the most important thing is that it doesn’t necessarily matter how good of a writer you are (although it helps, for sure), it’s about finding the right story that people are going to care about. I was personally interested in the fall of the Berlin Wall, and as it turned out, so was the rest of the world. I was able to pick up on a timely story, and make it work for what I was doing. So I should just keep on doing that, I guess.

Next time, though, I want to be paid!