catching up

hey everyone,

I am sitting in my room on this blizarrdy Friday (i guess that winter is finally here) with my second cup of green tea (tea desires' green tropic is divine- the sales girl was right- you HAVE to get it) and one of my favorite old Bollywood songs playing in the background. Right now Shammi Kapoor is lip synching to a cheeky song about a fair skinned woman. It's so weird for a child of the 80's to identify with the music of the 50's.

I should be finishing off my school assignments. My reflection piece for Shauna's class beckons me. Paul's photography assignment pleads completion. Brad's layout homework has yet to be tackled and don't even get me started on Patrick's webportfolio (actually I really should get started on it).

Instead I am here still swallowing in some humility.Don't get me wrong- it's not that humility is a bitter pill- however it is a rather large one.

I always prided myself on my humility. Perhaps that is my biggest downfall .

I have learnt a lot about myself this semester:

• I have a terrible time learning new software. The rules for each program are too minute and complicated for me. I get flabbergasted when I see people (OK, mainly men) sit down with a new piece of software and totally understand it within a few hours. Usually within a few hours, I turn into a shrivelling child, sobbing at my technical inadequacies.


• I suck at grammar.OK, I always knew that, but it always sucks to be reminded of it. Especially when I have piece of paper floating around my bedroom somewhere telling me that I am educated. With a degree in English at that. But in my defense let me remind you that studying English literature is completely different from being able to properly compose a sentence.


• I still have not accomplished all the things that I wanted to do in this class-much less in life.


• I need to start living my life.

I could go on but I think it's time to focus on the positives.

I also learned:

• I am stronger than I thought I was. This semester has been one of the most mentally gruelling experiences of my life. I have been out school for 5 years before this course and even when I was at UofC I had never experienced any this intense. I am proud of the fact that anytime something went wrong or blew up in my face- which happened almost immediately- I did not break down. I did not cry and I did not give up. I will now share something on here that I did not reveal to many people until now. My mother had underwent an intensive surgery during the first week of class and spent over two weeks in the hospital and another month in bed recovering. The household responsibilities (yet again) fell to me. This is on top of working a mentally taxing and thankless job(although all jobs are thankless- working as a call centre agent is particularly stressful, especially when its a demotion that you take just to keep your pay rate while you are at school).

Please don't think that I am complaining. I am an adult, I do not run away my responsibilities. I had taken over the household duties in the past and am prepared do it again should my parents ever need me to. I am just sharing how intense this semester has been- because of the strain that I was under earlier this year, I fell behind my peers and I am only now beginning to catch up to them. But that's OK.. as the old cliche goes..it's not how you begin the race...its how you end it that matters.

• I learned what I really want to do with my certificate. I was not sure what I wanted to do when I enrolled in this program. I knew that I wanted to share stories that were often ignored and that I wanted to do whatever I can to promote human rights. I also knew that the skills that I would learn here would help me out. I'll be completely honest, I didn't come here to learn the technical skills, (which are helpful) I came here to learn how to get people to open up and share their stories. And above all, I came here to learn how to tell these stories. Now after to talking to my peers and instructors, I realise that what I really want to do is make documentary films. I know that the narrative techniques that I will learn here will help me in doing this.


• I learned to listen- really listen to the opinions and advice of my teachers, peers and editors. For the most part, these people know what they are doing and they have the best interests for my stories in mind. Any advice, even unsolicited advice is well intended and even if I do not agree with them, I should try to see where they are coming from. I mean,isn't that the first lesson of a journalist? To show all sides of an issue, even if you do not agree with everything that is being said.


• I learned that I love photography. As frustrating as it can often be to get the perfect shot, when I do get that shot-it's totally worth all the muttering and swearing. I can't wait to get my flash and start experimenting even more!

Above all, I have learnt that procrastination sometimes pays off... but now I think that it really is time for me to get back to my homework...but there is that old Bollywood movie I think I'd rather see...

(on a side note, i tried to upload a clip with subtitles but i can't find one)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywn5ecbh3DM&feature=PlayList&p=BA1B3E16EB496B74&index=14